


Pierce the Skin

by pengirl55



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Adventure, Gen, Native American Character(s), Native American/First Nations Culture, Native American/First Nations Legends & Lore, Pre-Canon, Spiritual, Stereotypes, Werewolf Lore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-02-24
Updated: 2008-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25671595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pengirl55/pseuds/pengirl55
Summary: I always felt that the story of the third wife needed more. Her character is so strong and unique that she needs a real background. Please, enjoy my interpretation of her history.





	1. The Oracle

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Please remember that this story was one of my first. It needs a lot of love and care to bring it up to the level I work on now. I still enjoy the idea, but the writing is not fabulous. I hope you do like it, but please, don't critique on the poor writing—I know it needs to be updated.
> 
> But anyway, please ENJOY!

Miakode means power of the moon. When it is changed to Miakoda, it becomes she who posses the power of the moon. In my tribe, the moon is a great source of strength. That belief is even stronger in my family. My parents met under a full moon, they were married under a full moon, I was born under a full moon, and my younger brother died beneath the full moon. My parents always prayed to Pah, the moon god. Since I was their first-born child, and I was born under the moon, they decided that I must contain the moon's power. I was named Miakoda, she who posses the power of the moon.

For my tribe, names mean everything. Throughout a person's life, they must try to live up to their names. My name is hard to live up to. The moon is a source of strength, bravery, power, and sacrifice. My parents always believed I could fulfill my name, but I never did. My whole life, my name has been a label. People hear it and expect me to be wonderful and great. The moon is a wonderful thing, just not when people expect you to be like it.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Every generation contains a child who will perform a wonderful deed for the tribe. Once every child in a generation comes of age, a meeting is held. The priestesses attends and tell us what great duty will be given to the tribe through our generation. Today is that meeting.

My mother dresses me in my best leather and sends me off the walk to the elder's meeting place. Around me, I see other girls and boys walking to the same place. Everybody is together with siblings or friends walking, talking, and singing.

I look down at my feet and walk quickly. I have no one to walk with, not even a brother or sister. The kids around me laugh and dance and show off their best leather or turtle shells.

We reach the meeting place and sit around the priestess who sits on a log in the middle of the circle.

As soon as the elders walk into view, everyone quiets down and watches. The elders make a speech about what our meeting is about. The elders sit around the outer edge of out circle, and the priestess begins. She carefully lays out different bones and woods on the ground around her in a pattern. She pulls out small leather pouch that clicks and clacks when she shakes it.

She pulls out six stones and tosses them into her maze of sticks and bones. She watches as the stones fall and starts humming. When she has finished her song, all the kids stand up to look at her work.

The priestess calls out her deep booming voice, "Pah has been watching this generation. The power of the moon saturates this oracle. My elements have told me that a young girl will give the greatest duty to this tribe. She will save many of our people and their sons and daughters. This generation, and this girl will be remembered throughout history as the daughter of the moon."

With that, she collects her bones and sits.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

As we walk out of the meeting place, the elders watch us leave.

At my hut my mother asks me to tell her everything the priestess said. I dreamily repeat the oracle to my mother.

I asked her what the greatest duty was, but she didn't know. The greatest duty could be anything done that protects the tribe.

How I wish I was that girl. I'd never fit in with any of my people, ever. If I was this girl, I'd have a way to prove myself to everyone.

I'd finally have a way to live up to my name.


	2. The Windows on the World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: This is about ten years after the first chapter. Miakoda is now an adult.
> 
> Disclaimer: This legend belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just make it more interesting to read.

Time to wake up. I had to get up, help the camp make breakfast, make sure the camp had enough stored food, and help make more knives.

Oh that reminds me; Enola needed my sewing needle…which I'd given to Rozene over in the Makah camp. Right, so, I better go over and talk to Rozene.

When I'm over at the Makah camp I should probably talk to Malila. She wanted to know the best way to carve needles from bones. I wonder why she didn't learn from her sister. Maybe her sister never learned from their mother since she, well, that was a long story.

Well this was one packed day; making breakfast, skinning the animals, making knives, and visiting the Makah camp.

I rolled off the sleeping mats and landed on the hard dirt floor. I rolled up all the skins and furs and the wood mat and tucked them in the corner.

I walked out the door and over to the river. The campgrounds were peaceful in the early morning. The sun was slowly rising in the light grey sky making the leaves on the huge trees glow and shine. I ran my hands over the rough bumpy surface of the tree trunks.

I could hear the sweet singing of birds in the distance. Leaves and twigs cracked under my feet as I slowly made my way towards the river.

The water was calm and gentle, and made a soft gurgling as it flowed over the rocks.

I leaned down and pooled the warm water into my cup shaped hands. I washed my face and rubbed the last traces of sleep from my eyes.

I looked into the reflective surface of the river and went to fix my hair.

My thick hair was mussed up into a halo above my head. I pulled my fingers through it to pull out the knots. I pulled out my plaits and remade them, making them look like two thick black ropes hanging on either side of my face.

I retied the leather cords around my waist and fixed my skirt. I pulled off my moccasins and dangled my feet in the calm waters.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I walked back through the door of my hut. Taha Aki had already left and brought Maza Blaska and Takoda with him. Yaha Uta was still asleep on the sleeping mat next to Enapay and Elsu.

Elsu was my youngest at only nine years. I brushed his earth brown hair away from his gently closed eyes. His chest slowly moved up and down in time with his gentle breathing. I smiled as I caressed his round babyish face.

Enapay was lying down next to Elsu with one arm under his head and the other across Elsu's back. His black hair matched mine perfectly. He had it tied back with a thin strip of leather.

I glanced over to the third boy lying perfectly still on his side. Yaha Uta was my oldest at seventeen years. His hair was a dark red that could blend in with the leaves during autumn. His eyes were a deep wise black that showed his spirit and joyousness. I smiled as I thought of all the memories of my young boys.

I looked out the window and saw that more people were out and starting the cooking fire. This was the time when the boys should be up and starting their day.

"Come on boys, time to wake up," I said while shaking their shoulders. "Your father has already left with your brothers. You three should be up too. Come on, up, up!" I started yelling and all three of them covered their ears at the same time.

"Gosh mom, no need to yell. We're up, we're up." Enapay groaned.

Elsu rolled up the sleeping mat while Enapay and Yaha Uta pulled out the fishing poles. They all moved around sleepily but gathered up everything they needed.

"Bye boys, catch a basket full!" I called after they left.

"Yeah mom, see you." A chorus of voices called back. I smiled and shook my head at my boys' "wonderful" personalities.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

All the women gathered around the fire pit for knife carving. We all separated into our groups of friends. We sat around and pulled out our own personal carving tools. The bones were in piles placed in the center of our circles. We all worked on our separate pieces, sometimes asking questions or filling the quiet air with silly banter.

I was carving a special knife for Yaha Uta. He'd started hunting more by himself. The knife he had now was old and rough on the blade, he needed a new one. I'd made this my new special project. I wanted to carve a wolf into the handle for my son, he loved wolves, and I wanted this to be his good knife.

I'd just started carving out the eyes when Nituna leaned over to see my work. "Wow Miakoda, that detail is extraordinary. How did you manage that?"

"It's no big deal. I just, I don't know, carve delicately." I replied meekly.

"Wow, you have the best eye for detail, Miakoda. Your work is dazzling."

We worked until the sun was high up in the sky, blazing brightly and making the air feel warm and comfortable.

"Hey, Nituna, I have to go over to the Makah camp. Can you clean up the leftovers without me?" I asked.

"No problem Miakoda. Go do whatever you need to get done."

"Thanks Nituna," I said gratefully "Bye!"

I called goodbye to the other women, left the fire pit and walked into the forest following the trails over to the Makah camp.

I found Rozene by the river and asked about my needle, but Rozene said she'd given it to Nuna. I walked through the Makah camp and found Nuna working at the cooking fire. Nuna said she'd given it to Kai, and I found Kai sewing by her home. She said she'd given it to Malila.

"Malila," I called out "Malila are you there?" I walked towards Malila's hut only to find her husband, Hakan, worriedly pacing. Hakan was a stocky man with rather long arms that swung at his sides whenever he walked. He had very light skin compared to the rest of his people, while his hair was the darkest black that could rival midnight.

"Hakan, is Malila here? She still has my best bone needle and I need it back," I told him. I watched him pace some more, and he didn't answer. I waited for him to speak, and I waited and, waited, but he just kept pacing.

"Hakan, are you ok?" I asked. Still no answer.

"Hakan!" I nearly shouted. He jumped but turned to me.

"Sorry Miakoda, sorry. What is it that you wanted?" He was talking to me now, but I could tell that his mind was somewhere else.

I sighed giving up all together on finding my needle. "Hakan, what's happened here? You look like you've seen a ghost."

He looked at me gratefully and began explaining. "Well, last night Malila went out to speak with Kachina. She said it was something important, and not to be worried if she didn't come back before I'd fallen asleep. So, I fell asleep. When I woke up this morning she still wasn't back, but I thought she might be out helping to prepare the breakfast. When I went out to eat, she wasn't there. I haven't seen her all morning, Miakoda, I don't know where she is!" He explained.

"Hakan, I'll go out and ask Kachina if she knows where Malila went after their talk. You just wait here and try to calm down, okay?"

"Yes Miakoda, do whatever you can, please?" He begged.

"I'll do everything in my power that I can possibly do." And with that I walked out of the hut to the other side of the Makah camp.

I knew Malila; she was a good friend of mine. She was very scared of everything, and didn't want to disappear like her mother had many years ago. Malila never went out after dark, not even to go to the cooking fires or tribe meetings. Even Kachina, the bravest and strongest women I'd ever met, couldn't convince Malila to leave her hut after twilight. She had a very distinctive look that made it easy to spot her in a group. Her hair was such a light brown it looked like sunlight. She had a soft face and deep grass colored eyes. She had a slight figure and pale skin that was cool like water, yet still contained the russet color of our people.

I arrived at Kachina's hut but she wasn't home either. When I asked Dustu, her husband, what happened, he gave me a similar story to Hakan's. I reassured him the best I could, but hurried away.

These stories worried me; they were very similar to the disappearances from long ago. I had to go alert the Makah elders.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I had to go tell the wolves, they needed to go to the Makah camp, now! I ran down the familiar trails back to my camp, the Quileute camp.

I had explained to the Makah elders the stories of Malila and Kachina. They found them quite similar to the disappearances from long ago as I did. They had asked me to go to the Quileute wolves and ask if they'd be willing to search the forest for the girls.

I ran through the camp, past all the familiar huts and people. I ran past my friends who were watching me as I flew by. I finally reached the meeting hut. I stopped and leaned against the wall to catch my breath. I fixed my dress and hair, stood up tall, and entered the house.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I was sitting in my hut, bored and nervous. I looked around my home. There was absolutely nothing to do here. Everything that needed to be done was already finished. I rapped my fingers against the wood mats on the floor. The sound echoed throughout the whole room, bouncing off the empty floor and walls. I sighed and lay back, closing my eyes and thinking about what happened today.

The elders and wolves had instantly agreed to help the Makah. This would be the first time one of my sons would go protect with the pack. He was my oldest and bravest, my wonderful Yaha Uta. In the years since he had made his first transformation, there had never been any threats to our tribe. He had never had to fight before. I was worried for him, but also excited. Parts of me wished I could be a wolf as well. I wanted to go out and protect my tribe, be able to feel proud and strong. But I knew that that would never be possible.

I wished I could go out and help, instead of sit at home, hiding. I was here, all alone, while my other sons were out helping the elders.

I wished I had a daughter who would stay with me.

I wished I could do something worthy for my tribe.

I wished I fit in with my people.

I wished I could be a wolf.

But above all else, I wished that I could live up to my name.


	3. Good and Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: I just want to clarify a few things. All of the details retaining to Native American culture are true fact. [08/02/2020: I'm sure I believed it was fact, but it's probably very inaccurate and potentially offensive] All of the character personalities, traits, most of the names, and the back round info was made up by me.
> 
> Have a question? Just ask! I'm happy to answer. Read, review (Please!) and enjoy.
> 
> Disclaimer: This legend belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just make it more interesting to read.

"Mom, what are you doing?" I heard someone ask me.

"I'm trying to relax, sweetie." I replied, knowing that it was my son, Elsu.

"Why are you trying to relax?" He pressed. I sighed and sat up. I'd been lying on my back, eyes closed, and inhaling the comforting smell of sweet pine. I opened my eyes and saw Elsu meet my gaze with his wide nervous ones. I opened my arms wide, letting him know that he should come closer, and smiled.

I could tell he'd been holding his breath because I heard the release of air.

He smiled at me and skipped over. As soon as he was within reach, I grabbed hold of his small warm hand and pulled his tiny frame into my lap.

He curled up in the space between my legs and buried his head in my stomach. I leaned over him protectively, and rubbed his back in soothing circles.

"I was relaxing because I was worrying about the wolves, and our tribe, and the Makah tribe. I was worried that something would happen to you, little falcon, and your brothers, and that I wouldn't be able to help." I said simply. It felt wonderful to confide my truest fear in Elsu. Losing my boys while I sat by, helpless and weak.

"That's a lot to worry about, mom. My head would probably explode of I had to think of that much." He said, concern saturating his tone.

"Don't you worry about me. My head will be fine." I said, trying to placate him.

"You swear?" He asked, absolutely serious. I looked down into his shining deep green eyes and saw the worry and fear pass by.

I used my most calming voice as I said, "Yes, I swear that my head will not explode."

He nodded, looking away while a calculating look covered his face.

"Mom, will I become a wolf, just like Yaha Uta?"

"I…I don't…really know, Elsu." I stammered.

This question surprised me. Elsu had always been the least interested in talking about the wolves.

"Why?" I managed to ask.

"Well," he paused to think, "I remember when Yaha Uta made his first transformation. He told Takoda all about it. Then Takoda told Enapay, who told Maza Blaska, who told me. I asked Yaha Uta about it, and it seemed so scary. I don't know what I'd do if I was him," he informed me, his eyes wide and sincere.

"I don't know Elsu, we can never be sure."

He nodded, tacking in the information. "What do you know about the werewolves, mom?"

"Well, not much, but I know how the change works, and that your father was one. He hasn't transformed for, about, three years now. When you were six."

He looked at me, amazed. "That's a long time."

"Yeah, tell me about it." I said, smiling widely.

"Do you know anything else?" He pressed intently. I was suddenly wary. Why does he want to know so much?

"Yes. I know that the werewolves are the amazing, legendary, strong, fierce protectors of the great Quileute tribe!" I stood up and posed in different positions for each word. He laughed at me, but sobered quickly.

He glanced up with pleading innocent eyes and held out a hand. I grabbed it and pulled him to me in a tight hug. He hugged me back fiercely, unusually strong for such a young boy.

I could tell that this usually carefree spirited boy had something on his mind. I could feel him start to shake under my gentle touch, and I felt the warm tears fall against my arm.

"Shh, Elsu, what's wrong." I whispered soothingly, bending down to his level. He pressed his head into the crook of my neck and shoulder and wrapped his arms around my stomach. I held his head in one of my hands while the other rubbed his back softly.

He continued to cry for a while, sometimes crying harder, sometimes relaxing a little.

"Elsu, my little falcon, what's wrong?" I asked again after he'd calmed down.

I watched as he bent his head to the ground and murmured, "I want Yaha Uta to come home."

I was speechless. Elsu had always been a compassionate boy, just never to his brothers. He was never allowed to play with them, so he played with me, or with nature. He loved watching clouds, the stream, the sun and moon, or even the dirt. He always seemed to find the most intricate designs and pictures in everything. I always asked what he saw and he would respond by taking some ink and a leather scrap and would draw it out for me. The drawings were always amazing, idealistic, and related to the moon and sun. Every time he would make another drawing, I would take it and carefully hide it in my furs. I had been collecting them to make a leather mat. All the pictures made one amazing story when combined, and I sewed them together with dyed cords to wrap each picture to the next. Elsu had always been warm, and playful, and intelligent. He just never showed it to anyone. I, on the other hand, would be showing off my talent if I were him. He was so different from me, yet I got along with him the best.

I placed my hand under his round chin and lifted it up. He was watching me with his deep green eyes; they sparkled and shimmered in the sunlight peeking through the door.

"My little falcon. You are the sun to my moon. You balance me like no other. You bring out the best in me, and give me room to shine. I just hope I do the same for you." I gave him my widest smile and stood up. I walked over to my furs and reached in to look for his present. I felt the hard bone and pulled it out into my hands.

I'd carved him a small bone falcon, complete with detailed feathers and claws. I'd even mixed my own dyes to make the falcon look real.

"Hold out your hands and close your eyes." I told him.

He looked at me curiously then followed my instructions. I leaned down to his level and looked intently into his face. Beads of moisture were clinging to his eyelashes and cheeks. His normally pale face was a flushed red under russet skin. I gently placed the falcon in his outstretched small hands. His long fingers explored the shape of the bird before he opened his eyes.

As soon as he saw what he was holding, he started smiling and bouncing as his eyes grew wider and wider. He seemed to glow with happiness as his small face turned towards mine. "Thank you mom!" he yelled in glee.

I laughed and watched as he ran out of the hut, off to do this or that.

I hoped that I had distracted him from his worries.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I was sewing a fur hem onto one of my dresses. The bottom had been pocked with holes and tears. I stripped the fur from the edge of a too small shirt, and attached it to the leather.

My needle was working its way through the thick leather and brown fur. I had chosen a thin tan leather cord, and it neatly worked with my stitches.

The monotonous work calmed my body and mind. I had started thinking about other things; some worry some and others sweet.

The natural silence was broken when someone shouted "Mom!" from outside. My heart jumped into my throat and my sewing was tossed up into the air. When Elsu walked into the hut, I had one hand on my chest, and my head leaned back against the wall.

"Elsu!" I scolded, "You nearly gave me a heart attack! Please, don't do that again."

He looked solemn as he walked over to me, his feet making a gentle thump thump-ing against the dirt floor. He was holding something behind his back, and my eyes narrowed in curiosity.

"What've you got there, Elsu?"

He smiled sheepishly and held out his hands. A large piece of rolled up leather was sitting in his palms; he offered the role to me, and I carefully took it. The furry material rubbed my hands and left a pine scent lingering on my fingers.

Gently, I unrolled the leather watching as the most amazing story unfolded before me. The leather was larger than it looked, Elsu had rolled it up to carry, but unfolded, it was about as big as me.

Painted along the bottom edge were deep waves, crashing and breaking against each other on their way to the beach. The waves started as a light blue, almost white, and became darker and deeper, until it was black as it went from left to right. A huge cliff was drawn against the right edge, ending with a forest atop it. He had painted the forest in the deepest greens and browns. The colors perfectly matched the scenery of the woods around our hut at midnight.

The huge remaining space was occupied by breathtaking images. A large sun was painted right next to the cliff. The sun was a deep orange, merging into light yellow, then white. The air around the sun was black, even though the sun's rays were clearly painted.

Farther out into the sky, a huge crescent moon was painted in the most glorious blues and greens, resembling that of a mermaid's tail. A bright startling white was painted around the moon, showing that the moon was giving off the brightest glow possible.

The waves below were a light blue, like the ocean during the day, while the waves below the sun were a deep black, resembling that of night.

Although all of this was amazing, the most wondrous part was the detail on the sun and moon.

In the center of the sun, there was a falcon. Its wings were bent in a circle, the tips almost touching. The bird's beak was pointing straight as an arrow up towards the cliff. The rest of the bird slowly faded into the orange and yellow of the sun.

On the moon, a simple woman was drawn. Her whole body was shaped around the curve of the moon. Her arms and legs were up and bent; she looked like she was dancing. Her body faced the left of the painting. It seemed as though she was going to dance away into the horizon, while the bird looked like he would fly into the forest.

On the bottom of the crescent moon, a small wolf was seated. His fur was black; a startling contrast to the moon and surrounding sky. The wolf's mouth was open in a howl.

The most amazing part was the small cracks that were etched on the moon. Small cracks were in the middle, while some bigger cracks were placed around the tips and edges of the crescent.

The surface was smooth and soft as I ran my hand over the carefully painted images.

I looked up at Elsu and asked, "Did you paint this?"

"Of course." He answered brightly.

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open in astonishment. He painted this? My youngest son created this magnificent art. I was absolutely speechless.

Elsu carefully stepped around the painting and pulled me close to him in a tight hug. I squeezed him fiercely and whispered, "I've never been prouder than I am right now."

It felt like an eternity had passed by the time we separated, but it also didn't feel long enough. I smiled proudly as he walked outside the hut and away. That's when I realized what he'd been drawing. He was the sun and I was the moon. He'd showed that he would always be going home, while I would move out and towards better things. This was so sad for him, but it was obviously what he wanted.

I also realized that he had painted me covered with cracks and breaks. He had shown how damaged I was.

This must be what he saw me as; good and broken.

But he'd never know just how right he was.


	4. Tested and True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Cipactli is pronounced (see-pocked-li). That is a real legendary creature, look it up if you like. Just thought that you'd like to know.
> 
> Please read and review, it helps me write better.
> 
> Disclaimer: This legend belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just make it more interesting to read.

The river water was perfectly clear, flat, untroubled on this very troubling day. The clear blue water perfectly reflected the shape of my foot as I curled my toes in and out, only a hair width above the surface.

Why not just plunge my foot right in?

Maybe it was too cold and my foot would feel like I'd stuffed it in a snow bank.

Or maybe it was suddenly infested by cipactli. Kanti had told the children tales of cipactli. She was part crocodile and part fish, she could become completely invisible so she could crawl onto beaches and eat the people who rested there. What if cipactli had come into this river right now, and I stupidly push my foot into the water, just teasing the horrid beast.

What would I do then?

But I was tired of thinking everything through. For once I wished I could do something by following my pure instinct. I wanted to be silly and random, that's what I wished for.

Suddenly, I jumped into the river startling the fish. There, I told myself, nothing bad happened. There was no reason to be frightened.

But I felt stupid, my skirt was soaked and I'd kicked up a storm of sand and rocks. I clambered up the bank, startling a little girl walking along the shores, as I splattered her with cool water.

I apologized profusely and felt even worse.

See Miakoda, I chided myself, this is what happens when you don't think things through.

Even though I knew that that was true, some part of me still wished for the reckless fun.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The hut was small and boring as I sat, waiting for news to reach me. I heard a panting sound and saw Nodin running past. It didn't look like fun n' games running, but a hard sprint inspired by true fear.

I got up and walked to the door. "Nodin!" I called out, beckoning him closer.

"Oh, Miakoda," he panted, "I was looking for you. They need you at the elder meeting place. It's urgent."

I gasped at the possibilities of what this could be. I started running for the woods, leaving Nodin sitting in my house, panting and searching for breath.

As soon as I reached the meeting place of the Quileute elders, I saw Yaha Uta. His large black wolf body was greatly disfigured. He was staggering and limping, and I could hear a faint moan escape from him.

A strong feeling in the back of my head told me to go to him, my son, my wonderfully brave injured son.

I rushed through the crowd that was forming around Yaha Uta. I ran up and gently placed my hands on his face, rubbing the blood stained fur around his eyes.

I searched his body frantically with my eyes, looking for any other signs of blood.

I felt a gentle vibration under my hands and jerked my head up to his. I looked longingly into his eyes. I could see the pain and desperation shining through his deep black eyes, even though he tried to cover it.

A warm wetness flowed down my face and fell into his black fur. I leaned my head against his and murmured soft comforting words into his ears. I talked about a time when we walked down to the river, just the two of us, and searched for flowers there.

I talked about the time when he had gone on his first fishing trip; the time when I asked him to bring back a basket load. He'd stayed out until after dark just so he could walk back home with a basket full of fish.

I was talking about the first time he had carved a knife when I felt the warm fur disappear beneath my fingers.

I glanced up and saw his large russet form curled up on the ground in front of me.

"Get a blanket!" I called out to the crowd, hoping that the hysteria wasn't too apparent in my voice. A heavy woven blanket was tossed into the circle, so I grabbed it and gently wrapped it around his shaking body.

"Shh, it's ok. It's ok." I whispered in his ear. It was easy to see the convulsions slowly stop shaking his frail looking body.

A huge sigh of relief had me feeling faint. I smiled nervously at Yaha Uta, and glanced at the crowd. Takoda and Enapay were slowly approaching me while Maza Blaska was nowhere to be seen, and Elsu was hiding behind the carving women clutching Nituna's hand and wiping tears away from his eyes.

"Mom," Takoda whispered warily, "I'm going to get one of the elders. Yaha Uta brought back, well, something that they'd want to see."

I furrowed my eyebrows at his cryptic words but nodded as he ran off to the village.

Enapay stood awkwardly by my side, waiting to be told what to do. "What happened Enapay?" I asked.

He looked at me gratefully. "Yaha Uta just burst through the trees and we were all so surprised. He ran around in a couple of circles then collapsed over there. He would growl at anyone who approached him, which made people worried. He looked around and saw Takoda, Elsu, Maza Blaska, and me and tossed something to us. That's when you came over," he explained.

I closed my eyes, breathing in deep trying to force a sense of calm over my mind. I was steadying my breathing when I heard a collective gasp. I glanced up and saw Maza Blaska walk into the center of the circle carrying a pile of what looked like white rocks.

Maza Blaska's nose was scrunched up in obvious disgust and I could clearly hear him gagging. He dropped the pile in between Yaha Uta and me before covering his nose and quickly backing away and joining the circle again.

I shuffled closer to the rocks, wanting to see what had been so traumatizing for Yaha Uta.

As I got closer to the rocks some of them started resembling shapes. One looked like a hand and another looked like an ear. I got even closer and reached out to touch the body parts. They felt cold and hard. I slid my fingers down what looked like part of an arm and marveled at the silky smoothness of the body. I was absolutely amazed, and what was more? The sunlight pouring down through the thick green canopy sparkled and reflected off of the parts, throwing light across the leafy ground.

I picked up a hand, touching each finger in turn, twisting the whole hand in mine looking for the glass that cast the sparkles.

"This way!" Takoda called, bringing one of the elders closer to the circle. I quickly dropped the hand where it landed next to a long arm like part.

I moved towards Yaha Uta, leaving room for the elder to inspect the intriguing body.

"Come now Takoda, what's all the fuss about?" a very irritated voice asked.

"You'll see Elder Akando, you'll see." Takoda pressed.

I heard Akando's very distinct voice above everything as he grumbled on about the rush. About a second later I was able to see Akando trudging up the path with an aggravated Takoda walking in tow. Akando had light grey hair that grew down to his waist. His jade green eyes were very demonstrative and bright. Akando had been very muscled at one point in his life, but had lost most of it after years without use.

A great hush fell over the circle of people as they parted to allow Akando to enter.

I bowed my head and said, "Elder Akando," in the respectful greeting.

"Miakoda," he said with a slight nod.

"Mom?" a rough voice mumbled behind me. I half jumped in surprise at this word. I quickly shuffled over to Yaha Uta and wrapped my arms around him. I hugged him closer and kissed his forehead while gently rubbing his back.

Akando had moved forward to examine the sparkling body and was now looking at it with a panicked look.

"Yaha Uta, did you fight this?" he asked. Yaha Uta pushed himself up on shaking arms.

"Elder Akando," he bowed his head, "I did fight…it." I could hear the venom slowly fill his shaking voice.

"Yaha Uta, what does it smell like?" Yaha Uta seemed perplexed by this question, but answered, unsure.

"Um…bitter and sweet. It burns my nose and makes me dizzy. The smell makes me cringe."

People around the circle started sniffing, seeing if they could smell this strange thing. Some seemed confused because they couldn't smell it, while others, including Takoda, Elsu, Maza Blaska, Enapay, and Akando covered their noses and turned away from the pile of sparkling white.

"Yaha Uta, where are the other men from the pack?"

Yaha Uta blanched, and started breathing faster. I looked at him worriedly and rubbed his back.

"They, um…were…killed?" His voice became no more than a whisper as the statement came out sounding more like a question.

Akando's eyes widened and his mouth fell slightly open, but he continued with his questions. "What happened, Yaha Uta?"

I heard Yaha Uta take in a deep breath and gulp noisily. "We were following the women's scents through the Makah camp and out into the forest. As soon as the scent entered the non-camp forest area the women's scent started mixing with something sweet…and…sickly. We followed it about four miles away and then saw…" His voice trailed off and I could tell that he was now fully experiencing what had already happened to him.

"There was a small trail of blood along with the scent. When we searched the area, I saw that the bushes and trees around the trail indicated a struggle. We started moving faster and came up to a…a…horrible sight. Kachina was lying on the ground, her face pale, cold, and reflecting an expression of pure terror. One of her arms had been ripped off, and a flow of blood was trickling from her stomach. She had horrible cuts and injuries filling her whole body. But what was even worse than that was the thing standing beside her. A tall pale man was standing next to her with a small shivering form held in his arms. When I looked closer, I could see Malila trembling in fear, blood pouring down her cheeks while that, that, beast licked it from her face.

"As soon as we approached, that thing glanced up at us and snapped Malila's neck, her body crumpled down to the floor."

My eyes widened and my heart started pounding out a disjointed rhythm. People throughout the circle gasped and some started sobbing. I could feel the tears streaking down my cheek, but made no move to wipe them away. I cried in mourning for my friends, the two lost women.

Yaha Uta continued telling his terrible mournful story. During one part, I had to stop thinking about the pack as my friends; their deaths were just too terrible to think about.

Yaha Uta described the deaths of four wonderfully brave men, four men who gave their lives for our tribe and the Makah. I silently prayed to Pah, wishing these men peace and happiness in their after lives.

The whole time Yaha Uta described the scenes in perfect detail, talking in a cold indifferent voice. When I looked at his face, his eyes were glazed over and unusually cold, an expression of defeat and hopelessness was written in all of his features.

I listened while Yaha Uta told us that the beast would learn their attacks as they fought. The beast started anticipating their moves and used them against the pack.

I listened in awe as Yaha Uta told us that the creature ripped apart into multiple pieces.

"So I went in biting his arm. I dug my teeth in and ripped away. All I heard was a shrill screech, but then his arm was in my mouth. I threw it away and then we decided to go for its neck…"

That's when I realized that the pile of white stones belonged to that creature. The pile was that creature.

I shivered, remembering how captivated I'd been by the smooth reflective body.

Yaha Uta finished telling his tale, and an eerie silence fell over the circle. Everyone was lost in thought, and Yaha Uta was trying to breath evenly after having to relive the most tragic event twice in one day.

"Quileute tribe," Akando said, projecting his voice to reverberate through the circle.

"This creature had been discovered by our pack before. I'm sure everyone remembers the disappearances of three young women a couple of years ago, am I correct?"

Murmurs rippled around the crowd, faint yes's could be heard and many people nodded their heads.

"I believe that this is the same creature that stole those young women. This is a cold one, a blood drinker."

People gasped and some even called out. "But it can't be!" and an assortment of other exclamations.

"I'm sorry to say that it is," Akando continued, "This thing has the same smell and fighting style. We are, again, searching for a cold one."

As Akando was talking, I felt the ground around my knees start to vibrate. When I looked over at the pile of body parts, I saw that the hand that I'd been holding had connected to the arm piece and was moving around. I screamed bloody murder and pointed at the pile.

It was like lightning had struck, everyone ran in different directions away from the arm, everyone except for Akando, all of my sons, Nituna, and me.

"Takoda, run back to the cooking fires and get a torch. Come back right away." Akando commanded. Takoda ran off to the main camps looking for a torch.

"Enapay and Maza Blaska, go into the woods and collect small branches and twigs." The boys ran of into the woods.

"What are you going to do?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"We're going to burn the living daylight out of it." Akando replied with an icy tone.

Enapay and Maza Blaska returned with two huge piles of tinder. We all made a bonfire from it and placed the white body parts in the cage of twigs.

As soon as Takoda returned with the torch, Akando lit the pile and we all watched in terror as the twigs went up in flames.

We all stood around watching the fire until the body started burning in harmony. Thick black smoke started rising in the air, creating one tall beam that marked this spot like a sign. I coughed and covered my nose; the smog smelled terrible.

"Leave now Miakoda." Akando commanded me. "Leave and bring your sons. Come back to this spot in the morning, we'll finish this up."

I gathered up my boys and walked away. When I turned back, I saw Akando watching the flames with something akin to pure loathing flashing in his light green eyes.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I walked back through the village and people started bombarding me with questions. Everyone was worried and wanted to know more about what happened.

I ignored them all and walked my sons into the hut. Yaha Uta walked over to his sleeping mat and curled into a tight ball under the heavy furs and blankets. Takoda grabbed a bone and carving tool. I'd just recently taught him how to carve and he started by making fishing hooks.

Maza Blaska and Enapay started playing a game that they'd made up a couple of years ago.

Elsu walked over to the corner of the hut and pulled out a large scrap of leather. I could tell that he was painting, but he kept shifting the leather so that I couldn't see what he was working on.

I pulled out the knife that I was carving for Yaha Uta. I was nearly finished with it, I just had to carve the last ear. It wouldn't take very long. I would have it finished by the time we all went to sleep.

Nituna and my other carving friends had named it the wolf blade, and I enjoyed that title.

Tomorrow I would give the wolf blade to my wolf son. I glanced over at him and saw that he was still shaking under all the blankets.

I prayed to Pah and asked him to help my son forget the terrible tragedies that he's seen in his young life.

I wish that I were a wolf. That way I could protect my son from anything that ever hurt him.

I made a promise to myself that I would protect him in anyway possible, no matter what that meant.


	5. Power of the Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: I'm sorry that I didn't update sooner. I had about three versions of this chapter, and I had to edit and check through all of them before making my final decision. It was exceptionally annoying.
> 
> Warning: For those of you who cry easily, please have some tissues by your side. I'm sure you all know how the legend ends.
> 
> And one last thing: There is still one more chapter. It's a surprise, but I wanted it to wrap up the loose ends that I see in the story.
> 
> Please enjoy chapter 5, and REVIEW! PLEASE! PLEASE! You're making me beg!
> 
> Disclaimer: This legend belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I just make it more interesting to read.

It was hard to fall asleep last night with all the news of the cold one's attack. Throughout the night, screams could be heard coming from different huts, and then the soothing voice of a parent or sibling would quiet the shriek in the night. For the most part, I didn't sleep a wink. I don't think my family did either. Yaha Uta constantly tossed and turned and woke up screaming more than a couple of times. All of my other sons covered their ears and pushed him to the edge of the sleeping mat, but not Elsu.

Every time Yaha Uta woke up screaming or crying Elsu would hug him and speak calming words that would quiet the outburst.

When I got up after pretending to sleep, Yaha Uta was finally sleeping peacefully. He was lying on his back at the very edge of the mats. Elsu was right next to him, one arm up around his brother's head, while the other clasped Yaha Uta's arm in a death grip. I smiled at the sight. Yaha Uta and Elsu were eldest and youngest of my sons. Their interests, personalities, and ages were on the extreme ends of the spectrum. Whenever the two of them were forced together, they butted heads and would pull one if their brothers in as a distraction.

I quietly woke up the other boys and had them go out to help their father with his work. Takoda and Enapay grumbled and made annoyed faces, but Maza Blaska was as stubborn as a ram. As soon as he saw that Yaha Uta and Elsu were still in bed, he had what can only be described as a fit of hysteria.

He started getting red in the face and looked at me incredulously. I ushered him out of the hut quickly, not wanting his explosion to wake the boys.

I waited patiently as Maza Blaska shouted and ranted about how unfair it was that his brothers could sleep in while he had to go out early in the morning and work at the river.

Maza Blaska had always been very jealous of any special treatment, no matter what it was. If somebody received a gift, or was allowed to do something or not do something for a harvest day or celebration, he turned as green as young corn while his face blazed as bright as the cooking fires.

I stood and watched as Maza Blaska had his momentary explosion. He was walking in circles with his arms raised high in the air, and set his face into a deep glare while he muttered what sounded like insults under his breath.

I grabbed his hand and started walking him towards the river, knowing full well that he wouldn't go voluntarily. I half dragged him there and left him to be chaperoned by the other men working there for the day.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The wolf blade was finally finished. I traced the contour of the wolf's face and admired the glittering of the sun off of the colored resin that I'd put in the eye carving. I'd stained the lines in the fur with a black paint, while the rest of the blade was stained a light browny red. It reminded me of the red clay at the bottom of the river during the spring season.

A loud scream echoed around my house and throbbed in my ears, causing me to drop the knife into my lap and Yaha Uta to startle awake.

I tucked the blade in my pocket and walked over to the door, I watched as the new dynamic of the camp settled on to me. Nituna had collapsed on the ground, children were hiding in their homes, and men started running through the camp wielding their knives and arrows.

A fear settled in the bottom of my stomach, radiating throughout my body and caused my hands to shake and tremble. This can't be what I think it is.

Suddenly a jolt of adrenaline pulsed through me and I was running after the men. I ran and ran, past screaming men and women, past crying children, and past a large pool of blood that made my legs propel faster than I thought was even possible.

I rushed forward and burst through the trees, coming to a halting stop when I saw what was going on around me.

My friends, family, and elders were lying on the ground, faces contorted into masks of pure fear and pain. Akando was lying a few feet in front of me. His bright green eyes were open and staring up blankly at the light blue sky. His arms were twisted at strange angles and he had a large bleeding gash along his head. The blood trickled down his old worn face and dripped onto his long gray hair that spread around his head in a large fan like shape.

Warm tears filled my eyes and caused the scene around me to blur into a mush of brown and red. I pushed forward, needing to see what was causing this disaster.

I pushed myself further, constantly tripping on branches and my friends. I didn't stop when I tripped, I just pushed myself harder, convincing myself that nothing was wrong, this was just a dream, and it would all be ok when I woke up. I would see all of my sons sleeping peacefully in the hut, breathing calmly, undisturbed by the recent tragedy of our tribe.

I heard booming footsteps behind me; a loud constant beat in the hard ground. I strained my ears, trying to hear what was going on. All I could hear was the footsteps, thump-thump, thump-thump.

"Yaha Uta! Please stop! Come back home!" I heard my Elsu scream through the forest as the thump-thump-ing calmed and his voice died in the breeze.

Oh no, Elsu and Yaha Uta were out here. But the thought was torn from my mind as I ran into a new clearing, a larger clearing.

On the opposite side, a tall slender woman stood, her long black hair twisted in angry clumps that shone in the morning sun. Her skin sparkled brightly like a gem and cast rainbows on the muddy ground around her bare feet. She was beautiful, in a gracefully evil way. Her features were soft and her eyes were a dark black. But her soft features were marred by the small trickle of blood coming from the corners of her mouth that dripped lightly onto her primitive dress.

In one of her long thin hands she held the arm of Nodin. He hung limply; eyes squeezed shut, his hands clasped in prayer.

Silently, I prayed for him to enter peacefully into the next life, as I watched that, that thing, pick Nodin up like a feather and bite down heavily into the flesh of his neck. He screamed and started beating against her. She barely seemed to notice, she just kept on sucking and sucking until Nodin's face turned a ghostly shade of white and she cracked his neck with a resounding snap.

The sound echoed throughout the silent forest and rang in my ears, forcing my mind to reply the images of my dead friends and family.

Something snapped in my brain and I took one step forward towards the creature, my fear evaporating in the rush of adrenaline.

It didn't notice, it just kept rummaging through the bodies looking for something alive that it might have missed.

I lifted my foot to take another step forward, but one large shaking russet arm blocked my way.

Yaha Uta was standing beside me, his whole body shaking and his face full of rage and disgust.

My thoughts quickly connected, telling me what he was going to do. I was about to protest but he rushed forward, his face an emotionless mask, his usually deep black eyes were grey and unreflective. His arms were shaking violently as he stepped forward. As soon as the creature looked at him he rolled his shoulders back and dashed forward. He crouched down low and boomed in an explosion of leather and beads.

I watched as his huge black wolf body rushed towards the creature. All she did was watch, her arms crossed, as she smiled privately at some personal joke.

Yaha Uta lunged for her at the same time that she leapt at him. She became a blur of color as she ran around Yaha Uta, scratching and ripping.

I watched in horror as a piercing howl escaped his strangely twisted body.

All the facts swirled around my mind, causing my breath to rush from my lungs and my head to swim.

Yesterday there was a whole pack of werewolves against one of the cold ones. Almost all of the wolves died, only one remaining. One against one was uneven; it was almost funny how squarely the odds were stacked against my Yaha Uta. He barely had a chance, and that fact swam through my head, fighting to be realized no matter how much my mind wanted to prove it false.

No, my mind screamed, he's my son, he's strong, and he'll live and come back to me.

But Miakoda, the more rational side of my mind said, he even said himself that the creature was stronger than the whole pack. How is just one going to destroy it?

A loud growl startled me from my thoughts and brought my attention back to the fight happening in front of me.

Yaha Uta stood up on his legs, blood dripping from cuts all over his huge form. He lunged, but the creature was faster. She tore towards him and hit him in the stomach. She reached up to his head and squeezed, a small smirk growing across her face. A low moan escaped from his lips, and the cold creature spun his head around to a strange angle, and ran back into the forest; back towards the camp.

His huge black body fell. I rushed to his side and gazed down into his face. I brushed the blood stained fur away from his eyes, letting myself gaze down into the pools of black that now had turned flat and empty. I rubbed his head, pretending that he was still in his human body. I closed my eyes and imagined his deep red hair running through my fingers. I imagined his wonderful smile lighting his face and causing his eyes to shine and sparkle.

Then I felt my eyes fill with water and the tears fall over the edges. A gentle shaking hand brushed my face and dried my tears. I looked up and saw Taha Aki standing above me watching his son, just as I did.

I started sobbing and shaking, thinking about my wisest, oldest, smart, caring son. He would never again smile up at me in the mornings and brush his hair away from his eyes. He would never again jump in glee when he won a game against his competitive brothers. He would never again walk into the house carrying a basket load of fish and say 'You asked for a basket full, mom, and here it is.'

I rubbed my son's face one more time, closed his eyes, and backed away trying to ignore the instinct to go to him. I stumbled a couple of times, my eyes only able to watch his still figure lying on the ground.

I looked around for Taha Aki. He was still standing beside his son, his arms shaking violently and his shoulders rolling back. He dropped to the ground and burst forward with such speed and swiftness that I've never seen him use. I closed my eyes, thinking it an illusion, but saw a large white wolf standing where my husband should've been.

I knew what he was planning to do before he started doing it, and I knew that I had to stop him. He wanted to kill the creature that had destroyed his son. But I'd heard about these creatures. They were strong and fierce; the only reason the wolves had won in the forest was because there were five of them. Taha Uta's battle was one against one, and Taha Aki's would be as well. This creature needed a distraction if my husband was going to win.

I made up my mind, I would be that distraction.

Taha Aki had already run off to face the creature. I pulled the wolf blade out of my pocket. It should've been a gift for my son, but now, it would be used as a sacrifice. I quickly blessed the knife under the power of Pah, and walked forward to start my distraction.

A sense of peace and calm fell upon me as I entered the clearing where my husband was facing off with the cold one. I calmly walked forward to stand within ten paces of the duel. I went down on my knees, showing that I would give myself completely to the will of this feral creature. I clutched the wolf blade tightly in my grasp and prayed to Pah for strength, bravery, and power. I pulled down my leather shirt, exposing my neck and chest. I would see my son again. I would be protecting my husband. Even though my body would die, my spirit and life would be stronger.

This needed to be done, and I was willing to do it.

I heard a muffled thump thump-ing against the forest floor, but cast it off as a rabbit.

In the time it took me to raise my arm and bring the sharp bone up to pierce the skin protecting my now soaring heart, I felt whole. I felt happiness and love fill me as I broke through the russet colored flesh. I was protecting my husband, sons, friends, and tribe. One measly life was being taken to protect the lives of many and their children.

As the warm sticky fluids rushed through the torn skin and fell into my open palms, I saw the creature's red eyes turn towards me. As it saw my helpless position its eyes turned black as death and just as gruesome.

Yes you creature, I thought, come to me and ignore him. I smiled as the creature advanced in my direction.

As the blood poured out of my broken and torn body, and my mind started slipping away, I couldn't help but feel that this was my destiny.

I, Miakoda, she who possesses the power of the moon, had finally lived up to my name.


	6. Shades of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008
> 
> A/N: Sorry this took so long. It's emotional, so I avoided it for a while. I hope you all like it. I felt that this was necessary, it explains a lot and finishes off with some hope.
> 
> Please, enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: This legend belongs to Stephenie Meyer, I just make it more interesting to read.

The river was calm today, it gurgled slowly as it flowed over my toes, heading towards the huge waterfall, which is a days journey away. The deep red clay at the bottom of the river slowly changed and reformed from the constant movement of the water.

Directly across from where I sat, a large pack of ferns was swaying in the slight spring breeze. The long leafy green fronds swished back and forth, exposing their seedy bottoms from time to time.

The light gray sky was slowly peeling away as it turned into a pale, pale blue. Some people say that nature tends to reflect their mood, but today, nature was turning against me.

Today was the tenth day of spring, a wonderfully sweet day to most, but a painful memory for me. Just twenty terribly short years ago my mother, the most wonderful, sweet, caring, special person in my life, left me alone. Even though I had my brothers, and my father, and even the whole tribe, I was still terribly and completely alone.

I sat in silent reverie as my mind drifted back down that painful path, back to those memories. After she'd left I'd locked up my memories, I kept everything inside, never wanting to share myself with anyone else, just incase something happened to them. I wouldn't even share them with myself. I split my mind up, not wanting to remember, but always keeping everything close by, just incase I wanted to see her again.

I thought back even farther, back to that day, and flashes started coming.

I saw my older brother, the brother I'd just started to know, fall as a big black wolf in the middle of the forest. I saw my mother fall in front of him and clutch his death stained body.

I saw her start running after the terrible creature that had taken my brother's life. I remembered running after her, trying to catch up, wanting to help her feel better. I could feel my breath coming up in jagged rips, and I could hear the pounding of my heart in my ears, and I could remember the thoughts that had been fearfully slipping through my head as the earth pounded below my running feet. I remembered running up to the next clearing, and I saw that thing standing across from the white wolf of my father. But that's when I saw her, my mother, slip a russet dagger from her pocket and kneel down on the hot ground. I watched in fear and pain as I again saw her slowly bring the dagger up to her chest, a look of perfect peace, calm serenity, across her face. I again saw the knife cut into her skin, saw the blood pour down her chest. The dagger slowly fell from her hand as her fingers weakly drifted from their grasp around the hilt. I watched in fear as that creature turned her gruesome black eyes to my mother, but that was when I ran. My mother couldn't be dead, she wasn't, she couldn't be, it just didn't make sense.

NO, my mind screamed to me as I came hurtling back to the present. I couldn't see that again, not again. I'd promised myself that I wouldn't think about that, ever.

I felt the warm tears drip from my cheeks and fall into the river, joining harmoniously with the water. Even though I was looking into the blue clearness, all I could see was the bright red blood, trickling down from that huge gash and slowly falling to the hot brown earth. My tears mixed with the red vision, and blurred everything into unidentifiable gruesome images. I couldn't get out of it. Everything that I'd taught myself, all the ways I'd protected my mind, they never worked when I was this into the memories. So all I could do was sit there, on the edge of the river, and let the memories flow back, slowly drowning me.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The sun brightened and shone down on my face. I blinked, trying to get rid of the excess tears, and trying to become accustomed to the new light. I quickly glanced around myself, trying to figure out how long I'd been wallowing in the memories. From what I could tell, it'd been a couple of hours, probably more.

I was trying to come up with an excuse to tell Catori, my wife. She would be upset that I'd been out so long, but it wasn't my fault.

The birds seemed to be singing to me as I walked down the path to the village, trying to go as slowly as possible.

I walked into the hut and saw Catori playing with Nigan and Sitala, the twins. From what I've heard, Nigan and Sitala look exactly like me. But I could never see it. They were my youngest at eight years. I only had one other child, my eldest daughter, she was twelve years.

I noticed that she wasn't in the house. When I opened my mouth to ask, Catori responded without looking up at me. "She's out with that carving friend of hers. Lomasi, or something like that." I nodded, watching with amusement as Sitala snuck up on Nigan, causing him to shriek, and turn bright red.

I sat down in the corner of the hut, pulling the wolf blade out of my pocket, turning it over and over in my fingers.

The next thing I knew, the children were nowhere to be seen and Catori's hand was reached out in front of my face, wiping away the traitor tears slowly crawling down my cheeks.

"Elsu," she whispered gently placing one hand in mine, "it was such a long time ago. You have to just let this be. She's not here anymore and you can't change that. Just let go." But I couldn't, I could never let go, she had left me alone, so alone, but I would never leave her. I couldn't just forget, couldn't just let her fade to a memory. Why couldn't Catori see this?

My head dropped to my knees with a thunk while the tears started dripping down my legs. A sigh came from above me and all I could hear was her footsteps, slowly leaving me alone. Just like Miakoda had done.

No, she didn't leave me, she loved me. If she had known I was their maybe things would've been different.

But I truly didn't understand why she had done it. What had she been thinking, how could she have justified it to herself? It was crazy and thoughtless! Miakoda was not a crazy woman; she was down to earth and logical. But why did she do it!

My mind was spinning in circles trying to understand something that had happened twenty years ago. Twenty years ago!

I couldn't deal with this right now. So I pushed it to the back of my mind and went out to be with my family.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The cooking fires were warm and bright against the cool spring breeze. Catori was sitting by the far fire, carving while Nigan and Sitala snoozed by her side. My other daughter, Miakoda, sat opposite her mother talking animatedly to someone who I could only assume was Lomasi.

Maza Blaska and Enapay were sitting at the next fire over, solemn looks covering their faces. I tried to sneak by unnoticed, but Enapay called me over to join the pity party.

"Where's Takoda?" I asked cheerily, trying to keep off of the one topic we never discussed.

"He's visiting the graves."

A stony silence fell around us completing our bubble of depression. Kai, Takoda's youngest daughter, disrupted our circle by pulling on my knee.

"Where's daddy?" she asked in a sweet high pitched voice.

"He's...Uh…He's visiting a friend," I responded, grimacing as my voice cracked on friend.

"Oh, okay," she said, and skipped back to play with her siblings and cousins.

Enapay and Maza Blaska were still sitting in complete silence. A silence that gave me way too much time to think. So I walked over to my family and watched calmly as they passed the time with simple chatter.

I was watching Catori as she carved the handle for a knife when Miakoda walked up to me and said, "Dad, what happened to you? You look terrible." And sat down next to Nigan.

I laughed a bit, even though it sounded a tad hysterical. "Don't you know the date, Miakoda?" Just saying the name stung my throat.

She looked around at her other family, obviously noticing her uncles sitting in silence. "Oh, yeah. It's her day, isn't it?" It wasn't a question, just a fact. I nodded, not really listening, just watching the fire burn itself out.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

The wood crunched slightly under my feet. My body was heavy and it was all I could do to keep each foot moving in front of the other. Other members of the tribe walked around me at almost inconceivable paces.

My arms hung down my sides, feeling like they had been tied to trees.

A murmur of hushed voices greeted my ears; Miakoda's dark gruff voice rang out above the others.

"It's depressing to watch how they all mourn for her. I mean, it was twenty years ago! Seriously, they should all move on, it's ridiculous."

That was a stab to the heart.

"Yeah, I know," some girl said, "It's really depressing."

I looked at myself. Catori's soft words swam through my ears. I had been holding on, tugging the memories after me like a weight. Could I let go? I had grown so used to it all that it seemed like a vital part of who I was. Would I be able to say goodbye? Was I strong enough?

I highly doubted it.

Miakoda's voice pierced the air again, pointing straight to the truth.

"He needs to grow up. He walks around like a little sad wolf looking for its mother. I just want to look away every time I see it."

That was that. I needed to be the right kind of person for my children. Miakoda was right, I needed to be the parent and stop looking for one.

I had to start small; saying goodbye to everything wouldn't be easy. I just had to say goodbye to her first. Something I'd never done. Not for twenty years.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

I found myself back on the path to the river. Ah, I thought to myself, I've been on this path too many times this week.

Miakoda walked beside me, her face stone cold and just as hard. Her long pale fingers slowly clenched and unclenched against her leather-clad stomach. Her unusually long nails scraped against the supple material, releasing a slight screech into the dead air. The sound pierced my ears, alerting me to the tension between us.

Her other arm clasped a large basket full of leather needing to be washed. Catori was supposed to do the job along with her, but she was helping Nigan, leaving me to the job.

Every step I took was painful, every thought I had made it even more so. Miakoda was my first child and first daughter. So she was blessed with the honor and burden of being named after the late great Miakoda.

But she was born during my dark period, the time when I was always lost in memories, and she had started that empty time.

Pain flashed through my chest as I looked at her cold face. I had done that to her. I had made her the distant cold girl she now was. It was my fault, and that stung the worst.

I had blamed her for my depression and my loss, even though I didn't want to admit it. It hadn't been her fault; she couldn't help being born. If there were anyone to blame it would be me.

"Dad," a cold empty voice called out, "Are you going to stand there all day or what?"

I jumped, not realizing that I'd been still, lost in my thoughts.

We worked in silence, but at least it was an efficient one. We worked in tandem, scrubbing the cloth in unison, letting the heavy silence cover everything.

I wanted to say something, try to talk to her, really talk, for the first time in years. But just looking into her eyes forced my mouth closed. They were so dark, so cold, but something flitted behind the mask, and I couldn't even begin to fathom what it could be.

But I was determined; I would do whatever it would take to make things right for me, for my family, and for my daughter. Catori had told me that I was hanging on to the memories, and no matter how hard it hurt, I would let go.

This chore had alerted me to how much my problems were causing my daughter problems, and how that, in turn, caused my family problems.

I would fix this as much as I could. No matter how long it takes, or how much effort I needed, I would fix this.

With the chore completed, I helped Miakoda load the leather back into the basket. She didn't acknowledge my presence; she just jumped onto the riverbank and walked back to the village.

"I'll see you at home," I called into the dead air; she paused, nodding once, and continued on her way.

This would be harder than I expected. I know that a part of me had blamed her for many things, but I never knew that she knew that I felt that way. I can't even begin to imagine what it felt like, having your father blame you for everything wrong with his life. I would try to fix the damage; I would try to ease the blame. But before I could help fix Miakoda, I had to start fixing myself.

I had to let go, I couldn't hold on to my mother forever. She was gone from this world, and I couldn't bring her back. The sting of fresh tears pierced my eyes, but I had to hold them back, they couldn't spill now.

I pulled a flower from the first bush I could find. A large bloom that burst into color, seeming to explode from my hands.

Clutching the flower tight to my chest, I thought of everything great about my mother, everything that I could possibly remember. I saw her in every light, in every situation, and I smiled. She was wonderful, but she was gone.

The riverbank was soft and warm under my feet. I knelt down, reaching my hand out over the river.

"Dear Miakoda," I whispered, "I will always remember…" But I didn't know what I would always remember. Her warm smile? Her kind attitude? So I just said "Goodbye mom."

I dropped the flower into the river, watching it flow with the water far away, to someplace safe.


	7. Sleepless Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted to fanfiction.net in 2008

Hello everybody!

Ok, I just wanted to explain a few things. This is the end of my story; I hope you've enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think. I'd love for you to read my other stories; it would be great to hear your thoughts.

On to the second thing. For my strange chapter names, they are all the names of songs. Now, I didn't choose what I chose because the song reflected the chapter, I chose them solely for their names. In truth, I haven't listened to some of the songs; I just looked in the iTunes store and searched for song names that appealed to me. (The songs that I have actually listened to have a star at the end. But, even if I've listened to it, I still chose it for the name.) I thought I should give credit to the artists of the songs that I took the names from, so here's the list. The song name is in bold, then the artist, and then the album. And if the song does reflect the chapter, it was by some freaky coincidence, not my planning.

The Oracle-Haste the Day-Pressure the Hinges

The Windows on the World-American Music Club-The Golden Age

Good and Broken-Miley Cyrus-Hannah Montana 2: Meet Miley Cyrus

Tested and True-Secondhand Serenade-A Twist In My Story

Power of the Moon-S.I.M. Shady-The Sims Soundtrack

Shades of Time-Santana-Santana

And even this chapter has a special name:

Sleepless Nights-this is the name of an album by Dipper

Thank you all so much for reading my story and dealing with me!

Please, please read more of my stuff.

Thanks again,

Pengirl


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